Dear Diary
by Marista
Summary: Nyota decides to write down her thoughts and there are some unexpected outcomes.


I don't own Star Trek, but I wish I did. This is my first Star Trek Fanfiction. I've got another one brewing in the back of my mind. I hope you enjoy it. Please read and review.

Journal entry #217:

Spock. Spock. Spock. I think I'm in love, no I know I am. It's irrational, and illogical to develop feelings for someone who can't love you back, and yet I'm in love with Commander Spock. I've been trying to deny it for months now, but I know that I'm only lying to myself.

I need to get this off my chest, but there's no one I can talk to about this. My roommate Gaila can't keep a secret and my Mother wouldn't understand. I can't believe I'm writing a Dear Diary entry like a love sick teenager, and yet this may be the only way to get some piece of mind.

He's so strong, so smart and so complex. I especially love his eyes, and the depth I see there as if they hold secrets that I may never know. I love his ears and the way the corners of his mouth turn up at times almost as if he's doing a Vulcan version of a smile. And the sound of his voice… ugh Spock! Spock. Spock. Spock. My heart beats faster just thinking about him.

Every morning when I wake up and find myself sitting and wondering about him. Did he sleep well? Is he looking forward to they day? And I wonder what he's doing until I get to see him later. My entire day has become an anxious anticipation of my Vulcan Phonology class just so I can see his face and hear his voice. After class I start to get almost giddy inside because I know that I'll be in his presence one on one for the next few hours.

I do love being a teaching assistant, but I'm so especially glad to be his. To be able to sit in the office with him and share in the concerns of his job, to share a pot of tea and to share the same air. The worse part of the day is when I say good night to him. How I wish he would ask me to share dinner with him, even just as colleagues. Or just a coffee.

I also wish that the student dorm and the faculty residences were in the same direction, so I could walk with him more than just a few feet. I don't know why I'm writing this nonsense. He's a Vulcan and I'm just some illogical, emotional human to him. But it doesn't stop me from dreaming!

It doesn't stop me from imagining what it would be like to have those sometimes soulful brown eyes look into mine with love, or at least affection. To imagine the feel of the touch of his lips on mine. To feel my body encased in his strong and powerful arms. To lay in his bed and feel his body pressed against mine as my legs wrap around…

"COMMANDER! What are you doing?"

Spock stood straight at attention as the Padd he was reading fell to his side. His face was its usual impassive expression, but he was betrayed by the green tint in his face and the even deeper tint on the tips of his ears. He cleared his throat, but his voice still shook slightly "I was just looking for the grades of the Vulcan conversational essay from the last lesson. You said it was on the Padd on your desk."

Nyota looked at him with an expression that was a combination of shock and embarrassment. She couldn't feel her extremities as she walked forward and picked the other Padd up off of her desk. "The information you were looking for is on this Padd. The other one is my personal Padd." She tried to keep her breathing even as she spoke; her mind was racing as she was trying to remember the last screen she left active. Was it her to-do list, or the journal entry where she poured out here heart? He was reading so intently, it couldn't have been the to-do list.

She reached her hand out for the Padd in his hand. She closed her eyes for a moment before she looked down at it. There it was in black and white – her journal entry about him. "How much did you read?" Anything past the first sentence and she would die.

"I was about to read your thoughts of being in my bed" he said matter of factly.

Nyota put her hand over her heart and there was nothing she could do to even try and hide the shell-shocked look on her face. She merely sat down and wrapped her shaking hands around her body, hugging herself. Her eyes focused on nothing.

Spock walked from her desk and closed the door. "Cadet Uhura." he said softly. "I must apologize. When I realized it wasn't the right Padd I should have put it down, but I have to admit I found the passage intriguing and continued to read it."

"I guess it was pretty entertaining for you. Don't worry Commander. I have a strong command of my impulses and can continue to maintain my professionalism in the office." She had yet to look at him. Otherwise she would have seen the wonder and the love in his eyes.

"I admit, I did find the passage fascinating, but not because it was entertaining, it was because they were your sincere thoughts. I did not suspect what you were thinking, and now that I know I am quite pleased."

She finally glanced up at him, and then quickly looked away. She couldn't allow herself hope, because she would be in more pain and embarrassment than she currently was. She just shook her head and continued to focus on the plant in the corner of the room.

Spock slowly walked closer to her and sat on the edge of her desk. She still wouldn't look at him. "I'm pleased because I never thought someone so smart, so full of vitality and so beautiful could think of me that way." As he spoke he slowly and hesitantly reached a hand out and ran the back of his finger down her cheek. She finally looked up at him. "It is a satisfaction to know that the one, who has evoked strong desire and… feeling in me despite my best efforts, returns them."

She searched his eyes looking for any trace of pity or ambiguity. But that didn't make sense, Vulcan's didn't lie. They said what they were really thinking. She stood up and there they stood staring at each other. In spite of his admission she wanted another confirmation from him that she wasn't misinterpreting his words. She wished that he would take her in his arms and kiss her, or declare his feelings in a way that left no room for doubt. But she knew that she had received all she would get from him.

His eyes were so expressive, more than she had ever seen. She only hoped that she was reading them correctly. She reached her hand up and cupped his face. She closed the gap between them and placed a chaste kiss on his lips. He didn't move away or attempt to thwart her advance in anyway. His eyes looked pleased to her. Feeling encouraged she leaned in again, and this kiss was deeper. She felt Spock respond to her and she felt that his lips were communicating to her what his words could not. She almost melted as she felt his arms begin to enfold around her. She allowed her hands to wander to the back of his neck and to run her fingers through his beautiful thick hair.

The kiss ended and she looked into his face and saw the corners of his lips slightly upturned in his Vulcan pseudo smile. She leaned her head on his shoulder unwilling to leave the comfort of his arms, and she noted that his arms showed no signs of loosening. She felt his head turn a bit and felt the soft wind of his breathing against her hairline. She closed her eyes as she realized he was nuzzling against her, breathing in the scent of her hair perhaps.

"Nyota?"

"Yes, Spock?"

"Would you give me the honor of joining you for dinner?"

"Absolutely."

They reluctantly, but finally stepped away from each other. Spock reached for the Padd with the grades on it. "Once I review the grades for this assignment and set up the prerequisites for the next assignment I will be ready to leave. Do you have any further tasks?"

"I do, but I'm not going to work on them tonight. My head is still spinning."

"As you wish."

"Actually I wish I had made that journal entry months ago."

"Speaking of which. I wonder if I might complete reading your entry? I didn't get the chance to find out where you were putting your legs when we were in bed together."

She froze, then chuckled to herself "One step at a time, Spock. One step at a time."


End file.
